My Nose NOs!

A list of my top 5 things you should not ask me to smell:

  1. your socks (You know they stink, I know they stink, you know I know they stink, I’m not smelling them!)
  2. whatever questionable thing you just pulled out of the fridge (If there is even the slightest chance it will cause gastrointestinal distress, just throw it away! And honestly, if you are trusting me to decide whether or not you get food poisoning, you really have no concept of my twisted sense of humor!)
  3. farts (If you value your life you will not fart in front of me then wait for me to walk through it!)
  4. any kind of body odor (If you just got down mowing the grass and you’re covered in sweat, you don’t need me to sniff your armpit to know if you stink. Take a shower!)
  5. a child’s finger (Through a rather unfortunate series of events, I now know that if a child asks you to smell his or her finger, there’s at least a 50/50 chance it was recently used to scratch and itchy butt crack.)

This Is A Broom

broom
bro͞om,bro͝om/
noun
  1. 1.
    a long-handled brush of bristles or twigs used for sweeping

Now maybe you already know what a broom is. Personally, I thought most people were familiar with this common household item. Apparently, this is not true. Can you believe that none of the four other adults living in this house has any idea what one of these is?

NONE….not one. Mind boggling!

I’ve been really busy with school lately. In fact, I should be wrapping my brain around the hepatic portal system and the myogenic autonomic regulation of blood flow for my test this week instead of writing this…but I need to vent.

In between school and chauffeuring kids around and preparing meals and administering medicine to little sickies and basically just keeping people alive, I haven’t had time to sweep the floor. As I said, there are four other adults living in this house, ranging in age from almost 18 to almost 70, plenty of time there to learn about brooms and their function.

Surely I can’t be the only one kicking debris as I shuffle my way to the coffee pot every morning. This morning I just couldn’t take it anymore and I swept up a sizable pile of cat hair and crumbs and dirt. This pile is currently sitting in the middle of the hallway with a cardboard and duct tape “barricade” around it.

And now I wait…..

 

I’m curious to see how many hours, days….weeks that pile is going to sit there until someone finally stops stepping around it and cleans it up.

Periwinkle

 

You hated when I called you that. I admit, sometimes I did it to annoy you, but mostly I did it because it felt right. That’s what you were to me, a calm blue, a charming free spirit with a big heart and a bigger smile.

Periwinkle was also the color of your eyes. Although back then they were hard to see behind the hair that always hung in them, forcing you to tilt your head back too see.

I’ve thought about you a lot over the years. You were a big part of my life, my best buddy but like a lot of childhood friendships, we drifted apart. I grew up and got married and had a family. You stayed the life of the party never really settling down.

I’ve been thinking about you more than usual in the past few days, since I heard the sad news. One memory plays over and over. You and I sitting on the hill by the pond where we sometimes fished. It was warm that day, with a gentle breeze. We just sat there, watching the clouds and listening to the waves break on the rocks. We didn’t talk much, just enjoyed each other’s company in comfortable silence.

I knew you loved me. I loved you too, just not in the way you wanted me to. And I’m sorry, now more than ever that we grew apart.

Rest easy my friend.

 

The Year Without a Santa Claus

This is the first time in over two decades that I do not have a child who believes in Santa.

I have suspected for a couple years that my youngest was wavering in his belief, but this year my suspicion was confirmed. My daughter and I were going to take my little man to see Santa this past Friday, and when he was over the top enthusiastic about going, my mom informed me that he told his brother he knows there is no Santa.

I confronted him.

Like a deer caught in headlights, he stood in front of me not quite knowing how to respond. I could tell he was struggling. Of course, I thought, “He’s thinking if he admits he doesn’t believe, Santa won’t come.” I tried to make it easier for him to come clean, and he finally relented and gave me the rundown of the clues he’d uncovered over the years.

My heart broke a little.

And then it broke a little more when he told me he didn’t want to tell me he didn’t believe, not because he was worried about no more gifts from Santa, but because he didn’t want to ruin Christmas for me.

You see, my wiser than his years little boy knew that for me, the best part of Christmas was keeping the enchantment alive for him. He knew that there have been years I have been stressed beyond my limits over financial troubles, family squabbles and loss.  He somehow understood that the seeing him view all the wonder of Christmas through the eyes of a child who believed in something magical without question was what kept me going through all the hardships.

He apologized for learning the truth, and my heart ached.

Life is hard, the world can be cold and unforgiving. And when a child learns that there really isn’t a pure and gentle soul who gives for the sake of giving, it’s devastating.

I was sad for him, sad that part of his childhood was over. But at the same time my heart was bursting with love and pride. What an amazing child, who was more concerned about my feelings than angry about the lie.

I  feel so blessed to have such incredible children, all of them are good and kind and empathetic.

I don’t know what I did to deserve these beautiful children. Even though there is no Santa Claus, I have three pure and gentle souls who give for the sake of giving.

What more could a mother want?

 

 

Mash Up Madness!

I was going to title this post “Mash Up Monday”, but then I realized it was Wednesday.

You see, I’ve been STRESSED OUT and OVERWHELMED lately. It’s the end of the school semester and holiday shopping season. I’m also in the middle of too many home improvement projects going on at once. I can’t decide whether to study, paint that spot behind the toilet in the bathroom or hop on Amazon to make sure I’m not missing out on any exciting Deals of the Day. The laundry and dishes are piling up and I could feed a small country with crumbs on the kitchen floor and under the couch cushions.

So, with all that going on, I’ve been behind on my blogging. Not that I haven’t had plenty to write about, I’ve started a few entries that have been just hanging out in my drafts folder.

In an effort to do a little house cleaning, I’ve made a To-Do list and delegated some chores to family members and I’m going to combine all those unfinished thoughts into one spectacular blog post MASH UP!

The unfinished blog that’s been hanging out the longest was “The Joys of Motherhood”

“I don’t want to be a mom.”, said my daughter. “You have to deal with too much POOP.”

This after witnessing me plunge a toilet that not one kid, but TWO kids pooped in (and not just any poop…corn poop!),  and then having to scrub rabbit poop of her bedroom wall because it was “too icky” to do herself.

How does rabbit poop even GET on the wall???

That’s as far as I got. I was going to expound upon all the thankless tasks we Mommies do. The things no one tells you about, and you never in a million years thought you’d be doing on a daily basis, but my day further went to shit (pun intended) and I didn’t have the time or energy to finish writing.

Next on the list is “Down The Rabbit Hole”

This one was about how something I learned in school sparked something in my brain and I couldn’t wait to get home and do some research.

It started with my curiosity being piqued by the Limbic system and the role it plays in depression. It ended with me conducting a science experiment on a guinea pig my husband after a six hours of following link after link, hence the “rabbit hole” metaphor.

It all got a little too science-y and probably very boring to anyone who’s not a nerd so I decided to scrap it. Or, at least postpone it until I’ve collected more data from the on-going experiment.

I’ve included it in my mash up because:

  1.  Early results on the effects of L-methylfolate and magnesium taurate on treatment resistant depression are promising (told you it was science-y!)
  2. I just really liked the picture of Alice’s legs sticking up out of the ground.

This brings me to my third and final unfinished post. This one was another list. “Ten Things That Get My Goat”

  1. The Royal We, particularly when someone says, “We should (fill in random thing no one wants to do here)” when what they really mean is YOU should do it because it needs to be done and I have no intention of actually helping you.
  2. The whole “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” debate. Shut the Hell up already and just be grateful anyone is even talking to your grumpy ass!
  3. Donald Trump

Well, there you have it folks. That’s it for my mash up. I hope you liked it because if things keep going like they have been, it may end up being a regular thing!

Merry Holidays!